The Good Book

Numbers 22-24: No 'ass' jokes, please

Summary:  Balak, the king of Moab, is concerned about the Israelites on his borders.  He sends envoys to the magician Balaam to curse them.  God appears to Balaam and tells him he may not, as the  Israelites are blessed.  Balak sends for him again, promising great rewards.  God tells him to go with them, but still becomes angry with Balaam.   He sends an angel to block Balaam's way.  Only Balaam's ass sees the angel; when Balaam beats the ass for turning aside, the ass tells him what's really happening.   The angel reiterates that Balaam is to go on, but to say only what God tells him to.

Having met with Balak, Balaam has altars built on a high place where he can see the Israelites, and communes with God.  He blesses, rather than curses, them, and prophesies future success for them.  Balak is not pleased, but Balaam does the same twice more.  Balak dismisses him, but Balaam makes one final oracle, specifically noting that Moab will be conquered.

Thoughts:  The OBC does its best, but the events of 22:21 through 22:23 still don't make sense.  God first says, "If the men come to call thee, rise up, and go with them."  He does go with them, and then, "And God's anger was kindled because he went."  Seriously, what? I'm just not following this at all.

Balaam's ass was a pretty popular story in medieval times, I believe, because, hey, talking animals!

Great quotes:  God brought him forth out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of a unicorn  (Num 24:8)  I wasn't aware unicorns were known for strength.  Learn something every day.

Numbers 20-21: The torch is passed to a new generation of Americans Israelites

Summary:  The people remonstrate with Moses and Aaron about the difficulties of life in the desert, most especially the lack of water.  Moses and Aaron beg for help from God, who tells them how to get water from a rock.  They do so, but God is unhappy with them-the reasons for this are not entirely clear-and God tells them that they will never enter the promised land.    Moses attempts to get to Canaan by flanking through Edom, but the Edomites decline to allow passage, despite Moses's assurances.  Aaron dies, after passing the priesthood to his son Eleazar.

The Israelites destroy a small contingent of Canaanites under Arad, but are discouraged and complaining by further journeying.  God sends forth poisonous snakes in response.  Many are killed, but the remainder repent, and God allows Moses to heal the rest by constructing a brass snake.  The people continue their flanking around Canaan; God provides them water at his own initiative.    The Sihonites attack the Isrealites when safe passage is sought; the Israelites are victorious, and take over their lands.  This is followed by a similar victory in Bashan.  Israel is at last at the edges of Canaan.

Thoughts:  I'll bet you were surprised when God reacted to the people's bellyaching by bringing forth the water.  The poisonous snakes show him back to normal form, though.  Yahweh, you old dog, you!  However, the people are actually penitent this time, so this may break the cycle.

The brass serpent thing is both a reminder of "sympathetic magic" as a belief of primitive people, and flat out insane.  It sounds more like a D&D encounter than a Biblical story.  Also, I'm doing the best I can with these little skirmishes over various tribes, but it's pretty boggling, even with a map.

Great quotes:  Woe to thee, Moab! thou art undone, O people of Chemosh: he hath given his sons that escaped, and his daughters, into captivity unto Sihon king of the Amorites.  (Num 21:29)  This sounds like something Reverend Lovejoy would say.

Numbers 18-19 : These posts have become increasingly cynical of late

Summary:  God speaks to Aaron (a rarity), and lays down the rules for priests and Levites regarding the tabernacle and other holy objects.  He also details how they are to take a portion of each sacrifice for themselves. 

God also details the rules for sacrificing a red heifer.  The ashes from the sacrifice are used as part of the purification of people (or things) who have touched a dead body.  It's not a sin, per se, to touch a corpse, but it does require ritual cleansing afterwards.

Thoughts:  Something's made explicit here which is generally more tacit-the priestly class gets the best part of each sacrifice for themselves.  Someone more suspicious than I might suggest the whole sacrifice thing is just a scam, whereupon the priests get to live high on the hog for not doing all that much.  I'm sure that's not it, though.

Numbers 15-17: Loose lips sink Levites

Summary:  God sets forth some rules for when the Israelites finally do enter the Promised Land-changes to how to do sacrifices, etc.  It's reiterated that breaking God's laws through ignorance is one thing, and can be atoned for through sacrifice.  Intentional and unrepentant violation, on the other hand, is not forgivable; by way of illustration, a man gathering sticks on the sabbath is stoned to death.

A group of Levites rises up under Korah, questioning the Moses-Aaron leadership.  God wipes them out, through a combination of fire and the earth opening up.  The people complain to Moses about this, whereupon God sends the plague among them.  Through Moses's intercession, God calls off the plague, after it's killed 14,700 people.  God also affirms Aaron as the priestly leader, by making his wooden staff grow ripe almonds.

Thoughts:  The stoning of the stick-gatherer serves as a reminder that the stoning scene in Life of Brian was not entirely far-fetched.  Other than that, this has a lot of the same themes as the prior passages:  just stunning bloodthirstiness on God's part (Complain about my killing people?  Pow-I just wiped out a few thousand more!) is combined with appalling stupidity among the Israelites (newsflash:  this guy doesn't respond will to constructive criticism).  I keep feeling like this is where I came in.

Man, will I be glad to get into the promised land. 

Great quotes:  And it shall come to pass, [that] the man's rod, whom I shall choose, shall blossom (Num 17:5)  Hello!

Numbers 12-14: One does not simply walk into Canaan

Summary:  Aaron and Miriam question Moses's marrying an Ethiopian woman.  God appears before all three of them, makes clear that Moses is his chosen leader (only Moses gets direct contact with God, rather than prophetic dreams), and gives Miriam leprosy in his anger.   After a plea for mercy from Moses, God agrees to cure her after seven days.

At God's direction, Moses sends the leader of each house forward to spy out the land of Canaan.  The scouts return after forty days, reporting that the land is indeed rich, but that it's inhabited and strongly defended.  The people fall into despair and the description of the Canaanite defenses, and begin to talk of returning to Egypt. Moses and Aaron (along with Joshua and Caleb, scouts who dissent from the majority report) go before the populace and implore them not to worry, God will provide a way.  In response, the people stone them. 

Numbers 9-11: I swear, if I hear any complaining from back there, someone's getting a smiting

Summary:  Passover is celebrated for the second time.  God promulgates rules for Passover celebration by people on journeys, the unclean, etc.  He also directs Moses to make some trumpets for calling meetings as well as asking for God's aid in extremis.

The Israelites begin to move out on their journey.  Almost immediately, people start complaining, leading God to consume them with flames.  When the people say they have no food, God provides manna, a foodstuff which falls to the ground each morning. 

The people still aren't happy, though-even questioning the exodus from Egypt-and Moses bridles at being forced to lead them.  God tells him to gather 70 elders to share the burden with him.  He then provides these elders with the gift of prophesy (although it appears to be time-limited).  He also provides the meat that the people had been asking for in the form of a miraculous group of quails, but then sends forth a plague for reasons that are not quite clear.

Thoughts:  Ah, here's the old fire-and-brimstone Lord we remember.  As soon as people complain, pow!  Struck down!  To be fair-clearly, these people are incorrigible whiners.  I mean, if I risked consumption by flame for bitching, you'd better believe I'd keep quiet.

What's frustrating is that there's usually not even a clearly-defined  reason for God's wrath.  Sometimes someone blasphemes or something, and you say, "Okay, maybe not a reason to consume someone with fire, but I see your point."  But then you get things like this plague sent against the quail-eaters for no reason.  He's just wrathful.  You begin to see why some of the people thought they were better off in Egypt.

Great quotes:  And the children of Israel took their journeys out of the wilderness of Sinai; and the cloud rested in the wilderness of Paran. (Num 10:12)  Hmm, sounds like a lateral.

Numbers 5-8: Wait, how many shekels did that silver bowl weigh?

Summary:  God gives Moses some Leviticus-style rules concerning the expulsion of unclean people from the community, women suspected of adultery, and nazirites (sort of lay hermits).

The tabernacle is finally fully set up and sanctified with many offerings.  The status of the Levites (basically deacons) is re-emphasized.

Thoughts:  Patriarchy ahoy here in the adultery rules-the woman has no choice once accused, but must take part in an intentionally humiliating ritual.  There's no penalty to the man for a false accusation, and no penalty if he commits adultery.  Nice.

Apparently, there's some big stuff coming up, but we're still treading water with more legalism and lengthy, repetitive lists of sacrifices.

Great quotes:  And for a sacrifice of peace offerings, two oxen, five rams, five he goats, five lambs of the first year: this was the offering of Shelumiel the son of Zurishaddai. (Num 7:41)  At one point, I thought the "holy hand grenade" bit from Holy Grail was over the top.  No more.

Numbers 1-4: Mormons must love all this genealogy

Summary:  Having set up God's tabernacle in Sinai, God calls for the Israelites to take a census of all adult males fit for war.  The Levites are specifically excepted, and formally made the priestly caste, with charge to care for the tabernacle and related duties.  The people gather in their familial houses and prepare to move out.

The Levite families are given specific tasks in the temple-Aaron's descendants get the actual priestly duties.  As the Levites are being taken by the Lord (metaphorically) rather than everyone's first-born sons, a tax is raised and given to the priests as a redemption.

Thoughts:  ODB intro to this book:  "The book of Numbers, named for its census lists..."  Hot damn, sounds exciting!  I understand it picks up;  I can say for certain that the opening is one of those "priestly" sections, for which read, "intensely repetitive."

Why God would need a census taken for him is left as an exercise for the reader.

Great quotes:  And those that encamp by him shall be the tribe of Asher: and the captain of the children of Asher shall be Pagiel the son of Ocran. (Num 2:27)  There's quite a bit like that.  Quite a bit.

Leviticus 16-26: I don't follow anyone's rules but my own, not even my own.

Summary:  God directs Aaron to make a sacrifice to atone for his sons, and for the sinfulness of the Israelites in general.  A goat is to be used to take up their sins-this is the origin of the idea of a scapegoat.  This ritual is to be observed annually, called Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement).

The rest of the book is the Holiness Code, set out numerous detailed rules to follow.  These include:

• proper means of slaughtering animals (blood is not to be consumed)
• incest is delineated-first cousins are okay-and forbidden
• sex is forbidden during menstruation or with animals, as is male homosexuality
• recap of the Ten Commandments
• miscellaneous unclassifiable rules (e.g., don't mix wool and linen)
• priestly rules for sacrifices and holy days

Now that's how you spread God's word

I went over to UVA's handy dandy KJV vs RSV comparison to check something out, and look what I find:

We regret that we are unable to host the Revised Standard Version of the Bible on our website any longer.  We were recently contacted by the National Council of Churches of Christ (http://www.ncccusa.org/), who own the copyright for the Revised Standard Version of the Bible in the USA.  They have asked us to remove the text from our website, and we have complied with their request.  We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

I understand the RSV is a translation in copyright, but I can't see this really advancing the mission of the National Council of Churches of Christ.